Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Have a little faith...
Confession: After last night, I am a full believer in Christmas miracles.
Boxing Day is my mother's birthday. I kinda feel sad for her, because having a Boxing Day birthday means you have to share you birthday party with J.C. and let's face it, he's kind of a big deal. He may have been born a day early, but that 12 day birthday party makes a Boxing Day birthday look kinda shabby. It doesn't help that something horrible happens every year on Boxing Day in our family.
Last night I watched my grandmother dying.
We had 25 people in my parents little house yesterday afternoon. Family came from away, wine flowed, three different birthday cakes were passed around. We try to make it a celebration of my mother and her incredible strength. For once, things went off without a hitch. The crowds eventually went home and the 'young ones' all went to my sister's house.
The hockey game was on the big screen T.V. and laughter filled the air when the phone rang. It was my mother and she immediately asked for my brother-in-law who is the only medical professional in the room. In a matter of minutes he was grabbing a medical bag and I was driving him to her house.
My grandmother had fallen down a flight of stairs. She was fading away. I prayed to God that she survive the night. Perhaps selfishly, I prayed that she not die on my mother's birthday. I'm not sure mom could handle that.
After a long wait for an ambulance and a longer wait at the hospital, a doctor finally told us she had fractured her neck. None of us are sure how she survived such a long fall and such a hard landing.
For the first time in a very long time, I thanked whoever is out there for listening. I thank them for softing her fall and saving her life. I thanked them for showing compassion to my mother.
My father and I have decided to celebrate mom's half birthday from now on. December 26th just doesn't seem to be a good idea anymore.
Boxing Day is my mother's birthday. I kinda feel sad for her, because having a Boxing Day birthday means you have to share you birthday party with J.C. and let's face it, he's kind of a big deal. He may have been born a day early, but that 12 day birthday party makes a Boxing Day birthday look kinda shabby. It doesn't help that something horrible happens every year on Boxing Day in our family.
Last night I watched my grandmother dying.
We had 25 people in my parents little house yesterday afternoon. Family came from away, wine flowed, three different birthday cakes were passed around. We try to make it a celebration of my mother and her incredible strength. For once, things went off without a hitch. The crowds eventually went home and the 'young ones' all went to my sister's house.
The hockey game was on the big screen T.V. and laughter filled the air when the phone rang. It was my mother and she immediately asked for my brother-in-law who is the only medical professional in the room. In a matter of minutes he was grabbing a medical bag and I was driving him to her house.
My grandmother had fallen down a flight of stairs. She was fading away. I prayed to God that she survive the night. Perhaps selfishly, I prayed that she not die on my mother's birthday. I'm not sure mom could handle that.
After a long wait for an ambulance and a longer wait at the hospital, a doctor finally told us she had fractured her neck. None of us are sure how she survived such a long fall and such a hard landing.
For the first time in a very long time, I thanked whoever is out there for listening. I thank them for softing her fall and saving her life. I thanked them for showing compassion to my mother.
My father and I have decided to celebrate mom's half birthday from now on. December 26th just doesn't seem to be a good idea anymore.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Traditions
There are places where Blackberries are still something only the 'crowd from town' bother with. Places where there is no cell phone reception. There are crooks and crannies were people still don't bother with banks, but instead cash cheques when they buy groceries and take the $600 change home with them. There are places where neighbours drop-in for a visit without scheduling it three weeks in advance.
There are places where you can witness traditions come to life while shopping at the local grocery store.
The mummers are still alive and well in outport Newfoundland.
There are places where you can witness traditions come to life while shopping at the local grocery store.
The mummers are still alive and well in outport Newfoundland.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
It's completely still here in the Cove. The tree branches are bending under the weight of heavy snow. I count the minutes between cars driving down the road. 1..2...5...10...20 minutes. Everythig moves slowly. There is no need to rush.
My mother has found boxes of Christmas decorations from the home I shared with Greg. I'm finding memories from those happier times all over my parent's house. Ornamements that we bought at a tiny road side store one summer hang on the tree. Quirky decorations that I made as a joke sit proudly on the window sill. The delicate snowman he bought me when I was in the hospital has found a new home on the end table. Every time I turn around there is another memory staring me in the face. The life I thought I wanted mocking me at every possible chance.
Life is very different now. Life is not what I thought it would be. I'm the last of my friends and family to be alone. I fear I will become the unfortunate Mrs. Haversham who cannot escape the ghosts of her past.
The spiked egg nog is calling for me....
My mother has found boxes of Christmas decorations from the home I shared with Greg. I'm finding memories from those happier times all over my parent's house. Ornamements that we bought at a tiny road side store one summer hang on the tree. Quirky decorations that I made as a joke sit proudly on the window sill. The delicate snowman he bought me when I was in the hospital has found a new home on the end table. Every time I turn around there is another memory staring me in the face. The life I thought I wanted mocking me at every possible chance.
Life is very different now. Life is not what I thought it would be. I'm the last of my friends and family to be alone. I fear I will become the unfortunate Mrs. Haversham who cannot escape the ghosts of her past.
The spiked egg nog is calling for me....
Friday, December 18, 2009
So this is Christmas....
It's been a month since I updated this blog. I've find that writing things down makes them more real and I tend to run from reality at every possible opportunity.
In the past month, I have once again found AND lost Phil and Steve. Ghosts of the past belong in the past. Enough.
I have had to move out of my condo brining me to 19 official moves. My condo is undergoing major renovations and thus I've been kicked out. It was a bit of a fiasco. The movers could not understand why I was insistant they sign a contract to accept liability for any damages during the move. They thought it was a "single woman thing".
They broke the arm on my very expensive couch.
Moving on, I am now in Newfoundland with my family for Christmas. I met my niece Faith tonight for the first time. She is incredible. Faith makes dealing with my nutty family for the next two weeks bareable.
I arrived back in Newfoundland at 4am Thursday morning. I had prepped my other for 2 months leading up to this arrival. I wanted two days in the city by myself to run errands and see friends. 4am...mother is at the airport.
We stayed at my Aunt's (not the hotel I booked). The next morning while getting ready to endure a full day of shopping my mother and aunt start to compare the details of their daughter's engagement stories. "Oh Ashley, how exact did Alaina and Mark do..." blah blah blah blah. I have been called "the career one" at least six times since my arrival.
Confession: I am Briget Jones come to life. Sadly without Colin or Hugh!
In the past month, I have once again found AND lost Phil and Steve. Ghosts of the past belong in the past. Enough.
I have had to move out of my condo brining me to 19 official moves. My condo is undergoing major renovations and thus I've been kicked out. It was a bit of a fiasco. The movers could not understand why I was insistant they sign a contract to accept liability for any damages during the move. They thought it was a "single woman thing".
They broke the arm on my very expensive couch.
Moving on, I am now in Newfoundland with my family for Christmas. I met my niece Faith tonight for the first time. She is incredible. Faith makes dealing with my nutty family for the next two weeks bareable.
I arrived back in Newfoundland at 4am Thursday morning. I had prepped my other for 2 months leading up to this arrival. I wanted two days in the city by myself to run errands and see friends. 4am...mother is at the airport.
We stayed at my Aunt's (not the hotel I booked). The next morning while getting ready to endure a full day of shopping my mother and aunt start to compare the details of their daughter's engagement stories. "Oh Ashley, how exact did Alaina and Mark do..." blah blah blah blah. I have been called "the career one" at least six times since my arrival.
Confession: I am Briget Jones come to life. Sadly without Colin or Hugh!
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Another day, another city.
I woke up this morning in Vancouver and fell in love. This is the most amazing city to which I have ever travelled. I think I may eventually seriously consider making this home.
My morning started off wonderfully as I met Amanda downstairs in the lobby of my hotel. She was an incredible tour guide throughout the day. She had spent time googling places to eat and even where the menus in the diner were located! We hopped on a ferry to Granville Island and toured through the most amazing markets. She was so patient with my as I couldn't decide which pieces of jewelery I wanted. We bought fruit at the makets and ate fresh figs while talking about life lessons. A short boat trip and walk later we found ourselves in Stanley Park. Neither, Amanda nor I had ever been to the Vancouver Aquarium and we were bound and determined to see the whales. It must have been my lucky day, because not only did I see the whales, the fish, the monkeys and strange reptiles....I saw my first real raccoon!!!!
It was an incredible day with an amazing lady. I wonder what adventures tomorrow will bring!!
My morning started off wonderfully as I met Amanda downstairs in the lobby of my hotel. She was an incredible tour guide throughout the day. She had spent time googling places to eat and even where the menus in the diner were located! We hopped on a ferry to Granville Island and toured through the most amazing markets. She was so patient with my as I couldn't decide which pieces of jewelery I wanted. We bought fruit at the makets and ate fresh figs while talking about life lessons. A short boat trip and walk later we found ourselves in Stanley Park. Neither, Amanda nor I had ever been to the Vancouver Aquarium and we were bound and determined to see the whales. It must have been my lucky day, because not only did I see the whales, the fish, the monkeys and strange reptiles....I saw my first real raccoon!!!!
It was an incredible day with an amazing lady. I wonder what adventures tomorrow will bring!!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Life's little pleasures
Confession: I drove four hours today just so I could get a Caramel Apple Spice.
TOTALLY worth the drive.
TOTALLY worth the drive.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
It's a big ol' ocean out there...
Mick is almost in San Fransisco. Things are about to get real rocky in Boston.
http://www.goldengateendeavour.com
http://www.goldengateendeavour.com
Monday, November 2, 2009
The power of dreams
Confession: I can predict pregnancies through my dreams. :)
I kid. I kid! Well, kind of. The last three times that I dreamt someone was pregnant they were horrified when I told them about it. Each time, that person was pregnant within three months. I'm not really suggesting that I have the ability to impregnate people with my dreams. However, my sense of timing rocks.
Oh, I also have the dreaded virus that everyone is in such a bloody panic over. I'm on the same anti-nausea meds that they give chemo patients. 10 tablets = $100.10. God love medical insurance.
The meds make me loopy....is it obvious??
I kid. I kid! Well, kind of. The last three times that I dreamt someone was pregnant they were horrified when I told them about it. Each time, that person was pregnant within three months. I'm not really suggesting that I have the ability to impregnate people with my dreams. However, my sense of timing rocks.
Oh, I also have the dreaded virus that everyone is in such a bloody panic over. I'm on the same anti-nausea meds that they give chemo patients. 10 tablets = $100.10. God love medical insurance.
The meds make me loopy....is it obvious??
Thursday, October 29, 2009
The new bug on the block.
I have had a letter that I've been meaning to post for 6 months now. It's in the sealed envelope, just waiting to be dropped off to the fine people at Canada Post. I mailed that letter today.
At the post office I was served by the lady with 1980s big hair and a Christmas sweater on. She informed me that Canada Post is currently taking donations for Mental Health and asked if I would make a donation. "Karma will kick me in the butt if I don't as I'm a counsellor in training," I replied. Her face lit up like the Christmas Tree which adorned her sweater. "OH! I should give you my son's number. He needs some therapy and you are really cute. You'd make a fine match."
I politely declined and walked away. When I got home I accidently cooked a moth in my scented oil burner.
Not sure what all that means.
At the post office I was served by the lady with 1980s big hair and a Christmas sweater on. She informed me that Canada Post is currently taking donations for Mental Health and asked if I would make a donation. "Karma will kick me in the butt if I don't as I'm a counsellor in training," I replied. Her face lit up like the Christmas Tree which adorned her sweater. "OH! I should give you my son's number. He needs some therapy and you are really cute. You'd make a fine match."
I politely declined and walked away. When I got home I accidently cooked a moth in my scented oil burner.
Not sure what all that means.
Friday, October 23, 2009
It MUST be a Friday
Things that happened today:
1. I woke up to an email from a guy I had a crush on for years but was always to chicken shit to do anything about. I didn't realize he even knew my name.
2. There was a LOT of western African drumming happening at school. (Please remember I live in Northern Alberta!)
3. Mitch called. He told me that Phil and his girlfriend are no longer together and apparently there never was a real baby. I'm think she made it up or something. I really should make assumptions because I don't know.
4. I went to the strangest little hick-town in the world to get tires put on my car. The mechanic wouldn't speak to me, only grunted and pointed.
I'm going to sleep now. I'll wake up only when absolutely necessary.
1. I woke up to an email from a guy I had a crush on for years but was always to chicken shit to do anything about. I didn't realize he even knew my name.
2. There was a LOT of western African drumming happening at school. (Please remember I live in Northern Alberta!)
3. Mitch called. He told me that Phil and his girlfriend are no longer together and apparently there never was a real baby. I'm think she made it up or something. I really should make assumptions because I don't know.
4. I went to the strangest little hick-town in the world to get tires put on my car. The mechanic wouldn't speak to me, only grunted and pointed.
I'm going to sleep now. I'll wake up only when absolutely necessary.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Addict
Confession: I'm a Facebook addict.
I blame my addiction to the social site on the fact that I refuse to own a decent television and that I live alone. Doesn't bode well for my social life, but I'm generally pretty productive work-wise.
I woke up this morning and my random victim of whiskey kisses had added me as a friend. When did people stop giving out phone number and just wait to see if you get added as a friend instead?? I honestly didn't think I'd ever see him again so I suppose this isn't entirely awful. He's cute so what's the harm.
I also found ladybugs in my condo this morning....just sayin'.
I blame my addiction to the social site on the fact that I refuse to own a decent television and that I live alone. Doesn't bode well for my social life, but I'm generally pretty productive work-wise.
I woke up this morning and my random victim of whiskey kisses had added me as a friend. When did people stop giving out phone number and just wait to see if you get added as a friend instead?? I honestly didn't think I'd ever see him again so I suppose this isn't entirely awful. He's cute so what's the harm.
I also found ladybugs in my condo this morning....just sayin'.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Whiskey kisses
I know better and yet, I repeat the same behaviour. I suppose it's because whiskey makes you say fuck it a lot more than water does.
Confession: I made out with a complete stranger Friday night.
The night began with drinks and eats at Boston Pizza. It's apparently the hot spot to go on a Friday evening after work. It was a co-workers husband's birthday. (Don't you just love when a story starts like that?) Anyway, long story short, there was a significant amount of straight Irish whiskey consumed throughout the course of the evening. I went to a bar and was once again patted down by a security guard. We danced like cliche stupid drunken women to bad 90s music while one of the girls keep pointing at me and yelling "This is my boss!" to every man who walked by. I met a very cute guy. He followed us home. We made out on the couch. I crept out early in the morning before anyone woke up. End of story.
Made me miss my girls from A-Team HQ so badly.
Confession: I made out with a complete stranger Friday night.
The night began with drinks and eats at Boston Pizza. It's apparently the hot spot to go on a Friday evening after work. It was a co-workers husband's birthday. (Don't you just love when a story starts like that?) Anyway, long story short, there was a significant amount of straight Irish whiskey consumed throughout the course of the evening. I went to a bar and was once again patted down by a security guard. We danced like cliche stupid drunken women to bad 90s music while one of the girls keep pointing at me and yelling "This is my boss!" to every man who walked by. I met a very cute guy. He followed us home. We made out on the couch. I crept out early in the morning before anyone woke up. End of story.
Made me miss my girls from A-Team HQ so badly.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Back to the breaking point
Confession: I'm fucking exhausted.
There is no nice way to put that comment. I'm done.
I'm a 26 year old VP, which apparently means that the staff occassionally will try to take the mick. I have to be the bad guy and deal with all the crap because people feel that I don't know any better. I'm sick and tired of people trying to take advantage because I'm young. I am a goddamn professional. I got this job through a lot of very hard work and stubborness. Enough!
This week I had to change my phone number because of a crazy ex-boyfriend. Apparently, he thinks that he is love with me and thus feels entitled to making my life miserable. He shows up at the houses of my friends and family. He lurks outside my condo. He calls me from a zillion different phone numbers (which oddly, if you Canada411 them, are all registered to him), AND thinks that sending me a letter to tell me that he isn't sure if he deserves to live will make me want him back.
I get a MSN message from G today to tell me that he hopes I have a lovely Thanksgiving. Sweet eh? Until he goes on to tell me in detail about his adventure cooking a turkey dinner for his fabulous girlfriend.
AND ANOTHER THING...group work via distance education SUCKS!
Just sayin'.
There is no nice way to put that comment. I'm done.
I'm a 26 year old VP, which apparently means that the staff occassionally will try to take the mick. I have to be the bad guy and deal with all the crap because people feel that I don't know any better. I'm sick and tired of people trying to take advantage because I'm young. I am a goddamn professional. I got this job through a lot of very hard work and stubborness. Enough!
This week I had to change my phone number because of a crazy ex-boyfriend. Apparently, he thinks that he is love with me and thus feels entitled to making my life miserable. He shows up at the houses of my friends and family. He lurks outside my condo. He calls me from a zillion different phone numbers (which oddly, if you Canada411 them, are all registered to him), AND thinks that sending me a letter to tell me that he isn't sure if he deserves to live will make me want him back.
I get a MSN message from G today to tell me that he hopes I have a lovely Thanksgiving. Sweet eh? Until he goes on to tell me in detail about his adventure cooking a turkey dinner for his fabulous girlfriend.
AND ANOTHER THING...group work via distance education SUCKS!
Just sayin'.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
God Damn Beetles!
Confession: I am a magnet for unavailable men.
Tom isn't quite as single as he led me to believe.
Tom isn't quite as single as he led me to believe.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Ladybugs
Today was another in a series of perfect Autumn days. The Autumn in Alberta would make you forget about the devastating rains of summer or the bitter cold of winter. It seems like the sun will never stop shining.
Today, I got bundled up and went for a walk in my favourite park. The park is surrounded by trees of brillant golds and red. A water fountain in the middle of the pond creates a permanent rainbow. The crisp air in your lungs renews your sense of being alive. The park always makes me feel better.
Today, I met Tom. Tom was walking his Husky through the park when she decided to sing to me. I was standing in the gazebo and didn't hear anyone approach behind me. I didn't hear anything until a dog directly behind me started to howl. It was endearing to see how embarrassed he was that his normally well-behaved dog was having no part of moving. She sat and she sang. When I pet her ears she would stop. If I walked away, she would sing again. We ended up talking for hours.
Confession: I have a thing for foregin guys.
Tom is a pilot from the Netherlands.
Now I wait...
Today, I got bundled up and went for a walk in my favourite park. The park is surrounded by trees of brillant golds and red. A water fountain in the middle of the pond creates a permanent rainbow. The crisp air in your lungs renews your sense of being alive. The park always makes me feel better.
Today, I met Tom. Tom was walking his Husky through the park when she decided to sing to me. I was standing in the gazebo and didn't hear anyone approach behind me. I didn't hear anything until a dog directly behind me started to howl. It was endearing to see how embarrassed he was that his normally well-behaved dog was having no part of moving. She sat and she sang. When I pet her ears she would stop. If I walked away, she would sing again. We ended up talking for hours.
Confession: I have a thing for foregin guys.
Tom is a pilot from the Netherlands.
Now I wait...
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Matchmaker
Confession:
I am always the one before the One.
I have been proposed to by three different men. They each found the person they wanted to be with while being with me. It wasn't me. Every man I ever actually cared about left me for someone else and ultimately married them. I am always the one before the one.
G sent me a message today. He's found a new girlfriend.
Happy future. You're welcome buddy.
I am always the one before the One.
I have been proposed to by three different men. They each found the person they wanted to be with while being with me. It wasn't me. Every man I ever actually cared about left me for someone else and ultimately married them. I am always the one before the one.
G sent me a message today. He's found a new girlfriend.
Happy future. You're welcome buddy.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
All God's creatures
Confession: I live in a hick-town that is almost charming....ALMOST.
This town has a very strange culture. It is like a honkey tonk teenager trying to make it in the big city. There is a major alpha-male complex experienced by anything with a Y chromosone...and some with two Xs. I have never seen Dodge and Ford trucks of such a ridiculous size before. Your worth in this town is measure by how big your truck is. No kidding. It really is.
There are moments here when I almost find it charming though. I like going to the local IGA and hearing "looks she's the new teacher". Apparently after almost a year in this town, I'm still new. I like experiencing the rodeos and how the whole town takes such pride in breaking out their cowboy hats for that one day a year. I find it endearing to watch the people come out of the wood-work to cheer on the local hockey team for EVERY game they play. Apparently, other teams hate coming here to compete because of the insane amount of fans that show up. Imagine if we had the NHL?!
Just over 9000 and the heart of 70 000. I'll never get used to the mullets and terrible fashion. But you gotta admire the heart.
This town has a very strange culture. It is like a honkey tonk teenager trying to make it in the big city. There is a major alpha-male complex experienced by anything with a Y chromosone...and some with two Xs. I have never seen Dodge and Ford trucks of such a ridiculous size before. Your worth in this town is measure by how big your truck is. No kidding. It really is.
There are moments here when I almost find it charming though. I like going to the local IGA and hearing "looks she's the new teacher". Apparently after almost a year in this town, I'm still new. I like experiencing the rodeos and how the whole town takes such pride in breaking out their cowboy hats for that one day a year. I find it endearing to watch the people come out of the wood-work to cheer on the local hockey team for EVERY game they play. Apparently, other teams hate coming here to compete because of the insane amount of fans that show up. Imagine if we had the NHL?!
Just over 9000 and the heart of 70 000. I'll never get used to the mullets and terrible fashion. But you gotta admire the heart.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
For everything there is a season
Autumn is in the air. The mornings here in Alberta are crisp and cold. I could see my breath while sipping tea on my deck this morning. The leaves have begun to turn to rich golds and almost crimson reds. Those that were eager for rest have fallen and are already twirling on the ground as I walked around the pond. The seasons are changing. Constantly changing.
For everything there is a season. Everything has it's time we just don't know when that is. I often think about time and western society's obsession with trying to control it. Seems we all want what we can't have. Time will never be controlled, yet we press on with schedules, cell phones, meetings and blackberries. An impossible quest tried with so much determination. Failure always looming as we hear "there simply aren't enough hours in a day anymore".
The amount of time between the sun rise and sets really hasn't changed dramatically. The seasons are divided and the sun warms the Earth the way it has for millions of years. The man in the moon comes out each night to remind us of the promise of beauty each day. The solar and lunar patterns haven't changed....we have.
Whatever happened to taking the time to stop and smell the roses? When did we become so cocky as to think that we will definitely live to see the next sunrise? Why are the meetings and schedules so critically important, but putting off telling a friend you love them is acceptable? The truth is, we can't control time and we can't control mortality.
Confession: The thought of death scares me. The thought of not living while I can is unacceptable.
Did you tell someone that you love them today?
For everything there is a season. Everything has it's time we just don't know when that is. I often think about time and western society's obsession with trying to control it. Seems we all want what we can't have. Time will never be controlled, yet we press on with schedules, cell phones, meetings and blackberries. An impossible quest tried with so much determination. Failure always looming as we hear "there simply aren't enough hours in a day anymore".
The amount of time between the sun rise and sets really hasn't changed dramatically. The seasons are divided and the sun warms the Earth the way it has for millions of years. The man in the moon comes out each night to remind us of the promise of beauty each day. The solar and lunar patterns haven't changed....we have.
Whatever happened to taking the time to stop and smell the roses? When did we become so cocky as to think that we will definitely live to see the next sunrise? Why are the meetings and schedules so critically important, but putting off telling a friend you love them is acceptable? The truth is, we can't control time and we can't control mortality.
Confession: The thought of death scares me. The thought of not living while I can is unacceptable.
Did you tell someone that you love them today?
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Airport scenes
Confession: I love airports.
Some of my favourite places are international airports. My love for airports has absolutely nothing to do with planes, or air traffic control, or even the mechanics of aviation. I adore airports because you see real love there.
I get a bit of a high from standing at the arrivals gate and watching as people wait to greet their family, friends, lovers. I wait to see that one couple that just light up when they make eye contact for the first time after being apart. You can't hide that kind of love. It's genuine. The friends who haven't seen each other in ages and are giddy with the excitement of telling all their catch-up stories. The lovers who try everything in their might not to break into a sprint and jump into their partners arms. The families who are shocked by how much the kids have grown in such a short time. It's beautiful.
Some day I hope I find out what it feels like to be the traveller coming home to someone who loves her.
Some of my favourite places are international airports. My love for airports has absolutely nothing to do with planes, or air traffic control, or even the mechanics of aviation. I adore airports because you see real love there.
I get a bit of a high from standing at the arrivals gate and watching as people wait to greet their family, friends, lovers. I wait to see that one couple that just light up when they make eye contact for the first time after being apart. You can't hide that kind of love. It's genuine. The friends who haven't seen each other in ages and are giddy with the excitement of telling all their catch-up stories. The lovers who try everything in their might not to break into a sprint and jump into their partners arms. The families who are shocked by how much the kids have grown in such a short time. It's beautiful.
Some day I hope I find out what it feels like to be the traveller coming home to someone who loves her.
I believe in miracles...
Serendipity.
I'm in Saskatoon. My fourth Canadian city in three days. New cities are always the same. There is an excitement and wonder as you walk the streets and see the sites. New cities are sometimes very lonely places...until serendipity gives you a sign.
Just last night I had a conversation with a dear friend about serendipity. Fate. Fortunate accidents. Right place, right time. Call it what you want. Today, I was walking through the streets of Saskatoon and feeling a little lonely. I turned to corner and heard a beautiful song. A man was playing on the side of the road. He had a hat on the ground in front of him and a copy of the book Field. I couldn't move. I stood and listened as he sang.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoSL_qayMCc&feature=fvw
When things went pear-shaped with Steve, he sent me an email saying that he was reading the book Field and trying to make sense of what was happening. He loved me but couldn't be with me. Where was the justice or purpose in that? He often sends me a "song of the day" to let me know he is thinking about me. Not long ago, I received an email with the song I heard today. I have no idea why serendipity sent this situation to me today. Maybe it was just to let me know that somewhere out there in this big ol' world, there is a man who once loved me for me. He loved me just the way I am.
Love.
Everyone wants it. If fact, it really is a basic human need. We are social creatures, which is probably to our disadvantage in the 21st century. Society has created an environment of business and technology and a constant hurry to get anywhere (the destination is irrelevant). In our strive to become better, faster and stronger as individuals we have forgotten how to be compassionate, trusting and happy.
What is the measure of happiness? Is it the amount of hours you spend at work? The professional accomplishments? The framed degrees on the wall and line of letters at the end of one's name? I think it is so much more than all of those things. I think that it is so much less complicated than that.
Confession: I lie to myself on a regular basis. It's a terrible habit stemming from a desire for self-preservation.
This blog is supposed to be one of truth. Brutal honesty. So here is what I believe...
I believe that true love exists. I believe that you can love more than one person throughout your life. Love does not guarantee a fairy tale ending. It only guarantees that your heart will swell and possibly break like you never thought was possible. I believe in angels in the streets and signs all around us. It's all right there. The road map to happiness is shown to each and every one of us every day. We just need to open our eyes and hearts and follow the signs. I believe that signs will come around when you least expect and sometimes, they present themselves just to let you know you aren't alone in the world. There is someone out there who loves you.
I'm in Saskatoon. My fourth Canadian city in three days. New cities are always the same. There is an excitement and wonder as you walk the streets and see the sites. New cities are sometimes very lonely places...until serendipity gives you a sign.
Just last night I had a conversation with a dear friend about serendipity. Fate. Fortunate accidents. Right place, right time. Call it what you want. Today, I was walking through the streets of Saskatoon and feeling a little lonely. I turned to corner and heard a beautiful song. A man was playing on the side of the road. He had a hat on the ground in front of him and a copy of the book Field. I couldn't move. I stood and listened as he sang.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoSL_qayMCc&feature=fvw
When things went pear-shaped with Steve, he sent me an email saying that he was reading the book Field and trying to make sense of what was happening. He loved me but couldn't be with me. Where was the justice or purpose in that? He often sends me a "song of the day" to let me know he is thinking about me. Not long ago, I received an email with the song I heard today. I have no idea why serendipity sent this situation to me today. Maybe it was just to let me know that somewhere out there in this big ol' world, there is a man who once loved me for me. He loved me just the way I am.
Love.
Everyone wants it. If fact, it really is a basic human need. We are social creatures, which is probably to our disadvantage in the 21st century. Society has created an environment of business and technology and a constant hurry to get anywhere (the destination is irrelevant). In our strive to become better, faster and stronger as individuals we have forgotten how to be compassionate, trusting and happy.
What is the measure of happiness? Is it the amount of hours you spend at work? The professional accomplishments? The framed degrees on the wall and line of letters at the end of one's name? I think it is so much more than all of those things. I think that it is so much less complicated than that.
Confession: I lie to myself on a regular basis. It's a terrible habit stemming from a desire for self-preservation.
This blog is supposed to be one of truth. Brutal honesty. So here is what I believe...
I believe that true love exists. I believe that you can love more than one person throughout your life. Love does not guarantee a fairy tale ending. It only guarantees that your heart will swell and possibly break like you never thought was possible. I believe in angels in the streets and signs all around us. It's all right there. The road map to happiness is shown to each and every one of us every day. We just need to open our eyes and hearts and follow the signs. I believe that signs will come around when you least expect and sometimes, they present themselves just to let you know you aren't alone in the world. There is someone out there who loves you.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
September 13, 2009
This is the second blog that I have started to write. Where in the world has been up and running for about four years. My decision to write a second blog was not made because I felt the world was deprived of my writing or my story. My writing is rather poor and my life is nothing exceptional. I have decided to write this blog because through the help of brutal honest, I am finally admitting that I am a runaway. If I had a super power it would be teleportation accompanied by the uncanny ability to keep people at arm’s length. The result of my superpower would be the protection of the all important self-preservation and ultimately a complete lack of faith in others. It’s doubtful that I’d be the hero of my own saga with those powers.
Confession #1: I’m 26 years old and have moved 18 times in the past nine years.
So, why write a blog? I suppose I figure that writing down my truths about why I bolt as often as I do will be therapeutic. Perhaps, admitting is the first step. Maybe, I’ll become more content. Possibly, I’ll stop running and find a home.
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