Monday, January 4, 2010

What Goes Around

On New Year's Eve Karma threw a party and everyone was invited.

Seven of the men who have danced through my life in the past year were all in the same place at the same time. Some of these guys were more significant than others, but even those who were fleeting fancies of some sort made the effort to RSVP to Karma's invitation. They had one thing in

All of them showed up at the same time and left at the same time. Ms. Karma seems to have been very specific in her party planning. I was never much of a juggler, but these guys took it upon themselves to keep the balls in the air. They met in a group and got along like old friends. Drinks were bought, dances were had, kissess...well...there may have been a few.

Now the party is over and I'm back in my condo alone. Only memories of the strangest night ever and the knowledge that I let the good one get away to keep me company.


Tuesday, December 29, 2009


Confession: For the first time in years, I wanna come home.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Have a little faith...

Confession: After last night, I am a full believer in Christmas miracles.

Boxing Day is my mother's birthday. I kinda feel sad for her, because having a Boxing Day birthday means you have to share you birthday party with J.C. and let's face it, he's kind of a big deal. He may have been born a day early, but that 12 day birthday party makes a Boxing Day birthday look kinda shabby. It doesn't help that something horrible happens every year on Boxing Day in our family.

Last night I watched my grandmother dying.

We had 25 people in my parents little house yesterday afternoon. Family came from away, wine flowed, three different birthday cakes were passed around. We try to make it a celebration of my mother and her incredible strength. For once, things went off without a hitch. The crowds eventually went home and the 'young ones' all went to my sister's house.

The hockey game was on the big screen T.V. and laughter filled the air when the phone rang. It was my mother and she immediately asked for my brother-in-law who is the only medical professional in the room. In a matter of minutes he was grabbing a medical bag and I was driving him to her house.

My grandmother had fallen down a flight of stairs. She was fading away. I prayed to God that she survive the night. Perhaps selfishly, I prayed that she not die on my mother's birthday. I'm not sure mom could handle that.

After a long wait for an ambulance and a longer wait at the hospital, a doctor finally told us she had fractured her neck. None of us are sure how she survived such a long fall and such a hard landing.

For the first time in a very long time, I thanked whoever is out there for listening. I thank them for softing her fall and saving her life. I thanked them for showing compassion to my mother.

My father and I have decided to celebrate mom's half birthday from now on. December 26th just doesn't seem to be a good idea anymore.

Thursday, December 24, 2009


There are places where Blackberries are still something only the 'crowd from town' bother with. Places where there is no cell phone reception. There are crooks and crannies were people still don't bother with banks, but instead cash cheques when they buy groceries and take the $600 change home with them. There are places where neighbours drop-in for a visit without scheduling it three weeks in advance.

There are places where you can witness traditions come to life while shopping at the local grocery store.

The mummers are still alive and well in outport Newfoundland.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

It's completely still here in the Cove. The tree branches are bending under the weight of heavy snow. I count the minutes between cars driving down the road. 1..2...5...10...20 minutes. Everythig moves slowly. There is no need to rush.

My mother has found boxes of Christmas decorations from the home I shared with Greg. I'm finding memories from those happier times all over my parent's house. Ornamements that we bought at a tiny road side store one summer hang on the tree. Quirky decorations that I made as a joke sit proudly on the window sill. The delicate snowman he bought me when I was in the hospital has found a new home on the end table. Every time I turn around there is another memory staring me in the face. The life I thought I wanted mocking me at every possible chance.

Life is very different now. Life is not what I thought it would be. I'm the last of my friends and family to be alone. I fear I will become the unfortunate Mrs. Haversham who cannot escape the ghosts of her past.

The spiked egg nog is calling for me....

Friday, December 18, 2009

So this is Christmas....

It's been a month since I updated this blog. I've find that writing things down makes them more real and I tend to run from reality at every possible opportunity.

In the past month, I have once again found AND lost Phil and Steve. Ghosts of the past belong in the past. Enough.

I have had to move out of my condo brining me to 19 official moves. My condo is undergoing major renovations and thus I've been kicked out. It was a bit of a fiasco. The movers could not understand why I was insistant they sign a contract to accept liability for any damages during the move. They thought it was a "single woman thing".
They broke the arm on my very expensive couch.

Moving on, I am now in Newfoundland with my family for Christmas. I met my niece Faith tonight for the first time. She is incredible. Faith makes dealing with my nutty family for the next two weeks bareable.

I arrived back in Newfoundland at 4am Thursday morning. I had prepped my other for 2 months leading up to this arrival. I wanted two days in the city by myself to run errands and see friends. 4am...mother is at the airport.

We stayed at my Aunt's (not the hotel I booked). The next morning while getting ready to endure a full day of shopping my mother and aunt start to compare the details of their daughter's engagement stories. "Oh Ashley, how exact did Alaina and Mark do..." blah blah blah blah. I have been called "the career one" at least six times since my arrival.

Confession: I am Briget Jones come to life. Sadly without Colin or Hugh!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Another day, another city.

I woke up this morning in Vancouver and fell in love. This is the most amazing city to which I have ever travelled. I think I may eventually seriously consider making this home.

My morning started off wonderfully as I met Amanda downstairs in the lobby of my hotel. She was an incredible tour guide throughout the day. She had spent time googling places to eat and even where the menus in the diner were located! We hopped on a ferry to Granville Island and toured through the most amazing markets. She was so patient with my as I couldn't decide which pieces of jewelery I wanted. We bought fruit at the makets and ate fresh figs while talking about life lessons. A short boat trip and walk later we found ourselves in Stanley Park. Neither, Amanda nor I had ever been to the Vancouver Aquarium and we were bound and determined to see the whales. It must have been my lucky day, because not only did I see the whales, the fish, the monkeys and strange reptiles....I saw my first real raccoon!!!!

It was an incredible day with an amazing lady. I wonder what adventures tomorrow will bring!!